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kinsey cantrell

(view the original version of this piece.)


memory, or an escape from the rain
crucifying indoors, the stand-
alone venue, drum-along rhythm

revise loop, storm pattern

rhythm? or reshape, years later i still
and still learn more that hasn’t informed
how to relate, what kind of
forgivenesses are required of me

whether or not
i would like to
hold onto


a stuck
a brace
a side
recuperate? as if, i shake
the bloodless return of what i thought
i could be to what i am:

a coward
a re-collect
a shame


crave linearity
more so than
causality, or even
novelty; replay
or rewind, erratic
images, nothing
too interesting,
skip or


as if through
analysis i could
become new, undo
the maladaptive results of getting
through, or by as though there were no
statute of limitations for exorcism or
excommunication, making an example of:
rehearse me or shadow me, reenact
still and again and always

i have been coming back for years
but now i think i might be

can you
could you
would i
why didn't
i guess it was just a mis-
understanding in the end
late day,
i guess i just didn't get what you meant
why didn't you


remission comes on slowly, i order
breakfast, weary pastry with anxious
prodding, thought i was past this now

again remise, re-miss this

capable shedding, shredding
cultivate the intention
of forgetting

undermine the enactment
of surprise

does it
mean, what
has it meant, what
would it be to reject
this endless meaning
make, to compress
narrative to grip,

i tire of counting
how many apologies
i'm owed, thrill
to know i am
owed them

back to issue 13